The Secret Society of Knee Destroyers
Last month we thought we put the final nail in the coffin with all the rotational bindings and plates that seemingly keep getting reintroduced to the snowboarding market, oh but we were wrong, so so wrong. Seems yet again someone hasn’t gotten the memo that the horse has been flogged to death and has decided that conceptually they are going to reinvent the proverbial wheel. Hopefully it doesn’t get past the 3d image stage.
Oh, but wait! See these aren’t just rotational bindings, no that would be too easy. These are strap in step out rotational bindings. Taking what we’ve learned from Burton and Bon Hiver this designer not only wants you to blow out your knee but double eject and destroy the rest of your leg as well! I don’t know about you but knee injuries are so 2007 I’ll take double knee replacement with the option for titanium hips as well. Calling it now people that’s going to be the trend for 2015.
Now has snowboarding become dominated by lazy couch dwelling troglodytes that can’t figure out how to skate? Or are snowboarding bindings so problematic that we need fundamental design changes that add more moving parts, weight, and potential for injury? I think there just might be something more sinister at work here.
Upon further investigation into the darkest depths of the binding design world I’ve discovered a secret society of doctors, chiropractors, physical therapists, and engineers that are working on making money off Obamacare. Their mission is to corner the aftermarket knee demographic,drive up prices, and create a whole race of super knee suspension infused wonder children.
It’s the Highlander Protocol of the medical world as they’ve now started bumping off the best knee surgeons across the planet that do not participate in their society or agree with its ideologies.
So who is this secret society? Well they call themselves B.I.T.C.H. or Bad Ideas To Cheat Humans. Lets just say all these bad BITCHes do not love me. It seems that their leader Baron K. Need Estroyer is less than stoked on my constant outing of their horrible attempts to get to the market and fundamentally destroy all our knees.
Then again if they spent less time rehashing the same idea and hired a marketing agency to properly bring these failed attempts to market they might get ahead. Although we all know that every evil organization in the worlds biggest downfall is horrible P.R. I mean look at what Cobra Commander and Destroy had going on over there with their terrorist organization. If they can’t figure out how to get things done how will anyone else that follows in their footsteps?
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