The Return Of The Snowboard Brake
We’ve mocked snowboard brakes before and it seemed some people were upset about it. Evidently the concept of edge control was lost on them or perhaps the idea of flipping your board over so it’s laying bindings facing down is just too hard to grasp, either way it was a mixed bag. Now here we sit two years later and someone else is attempting a new incarnation of a brake for a snowboard. Once again all one can do is question why this even exists.
Sure rider retention rates are at an all time low, but wouldn’t it be more fundamentally sound to teach edge control instead of giving the rider a hand brake? Then again maybe all those Fast And The Furious movies have people craving to crank their e-brake and spin a doughnut. Since this market isn’t totally over saturated we were thinking of kicking off a crowd funded campaign to launch our line of snowboarding anchors but Illicit Snowboarding would just mock us.
Thankfully this isn’t being marketed to actual retail but instead to ski schools and rental shops. Now we can enjoy people riding on terrain they shouldn’t leaving giant trenches in their wake and night riding will be turned into the downhill luge of death as the snow freezes! This could make for some entertaining times.
Now what ever happened to actually just learning the fundamentals? Is it that hard to teach toe and heel edge? As many have pointed out now you’re giving someone who has no idea how to turn a safety device to go straight and then stop. Also what about the added weight and upper body alignment this causes? Seems to throw everything off.
What I will give the founder of this bad idea credit for is sending out a press release to every tech nerd site on the planet. Seems those people are rather keen on promoting bad ideas, then again these are the same people I’ve seen using the lips to rails as jumps and filming with a tablet. So we can only assume that the closest thing to snowboarding they’ve really done is play SSX Tricky. Kudos to the inventor of this bad idea for realizing real snow media would laugh at him.
Could you imagine a world where all these people with too much money and bad ideas put all that funding into a real practical problem to solve? The outcome from the funding alone could probably cure AIDS or at least give enough contraceptives to the snow carnies to help control the mountain town herpes epidemic! Perhaps they could somehow fund a suicide booth big enough to put themselves in and we would never have to deal with these people again.
But in all seriousness if someone wants to invest in our line of snowboard anchors feel free to hit us up.