The Pro Flow

The work of a scientist is never finished. Although we venture to uncover the biggest and smallest mysteries of the universe, we often overlook natural phenomena that are so much a part of our everyday experience that they are simply accepted without further question. My previous treatise on Gaper-Bro Fluid Dynamics was incomplete. It lacked a critical component that explains how it is possible for Bros to actually flow, an invisible hand that guides everyone out of stagnation and into progression.

The phenomenon I am referring to is Pro Flow. I had earlier hypothesized the existence of a Bro Flow “B” and a Gaper Flow “G” such that G must necessarily mitigate B. I concluded that even though the unpredictable gaperian motion characteristic of all gapers results in G, G is necessary for the stability of B. Whenever B goes unchecked, chaos inevitably ensues. One is engulfed, dare I say, broverwhelmed by an avalanche of Skull Candy headphones and tall tees creeping down the mountain.

For the longest time, we assumed that the extreme population density of the Bro Flow could not possibly lend itself to the existence of another flow. If P exists, where can it be found? How can its existence be experimentally verified?

The answer lies within the broken symmetries of the Universe. We know gaper flow exists because it is present everywhere. It is so pervasive that it impedes Bro Flow wherever the two meet. If there is such a thing as Pro Flow, it must exhibit opposite characteristics of Gaper Flow. It must rarely ever make its presence known, and it should act as an accelerant instead of a deterrent.

Our preliminary observations directly match this hypothesis. Pro Flow is highly uncommon. It is so rare that it is extremely difficult to observe in its natural state. In fact, its rarity is the reason why it can exist within the confines of an already dense Bro Flow.

Pro Flow lives in the cracks. It accelerates through them, sometimes sweeping up bros along with it. Whenever Pro Flow organizes itself into something tangible, something you can see with the naked eye, it quickly disappears into the feckless Bro Flow from whence it came.

Scientific studies have shown Ted gets inverted.

Pro Flow is perhaps most at home along the periphery of the Bro Flow. That is where it can be witnessed, if it is to be witnessed at all. We all know that gapers take the least efficient route to any destination. Bros exhibit similar behavior but with one caveat. Their constant intermingling with another forces them to gather inefficiencies as time moves further into the future. At roughly 12:30, the Bro Flow hits critical mass and becomes nearly impossible to dislodge from Park Lane.

Pro Flow is the only thing capable of breaking up this mass. It lacks the protocols that define Bro Flow, preferring to adhere to its own set of rules. Unlike Bro Flow, Pro Flow does not announce its presence. It does not “call dropping.” It is a slithering snake, an ever-present temptation, and a challenge to all those who hesitate. If you waited, the Pro Flow just dropped.

In a world where Gaper Flow impedes and Bro Flow stagnates, Pro Flow acts. Its existence brings disquiet to the bros, forcing them to follow along its path. The mere act of witnessing Pro Flow is enough to dislodge anyone from the top of Park Lane. It inspires a kind of madness wholly uncharacteristic of those who settle into the crowd.

Our analysis has thus far revealed something unique about Bro Flow, Pro Flow, and the innumerable ways in which the two interact with one another. There are countless eddies and currents within the Bro Flow, subtle spaces where new flows can form. Because Pro Flow exists, it is entirely possible for both bros and gapers alike to get swept up in it. When this happens, progression inevitably ensues. Just after attaining critical mass, the Bro Flow breaks into several high energy fragments. Most of those fragments make their way back to the Bro Flow, but every once in a while, a fragment races toward the outer boundary and joins the Pro Flow forever. A star is born.

So when you look out into that great Sea of Bros dominating the upper horizon of Park Lane, know that far more is at work than meets the eye. There is a force, an unseen hand that guides us all to greatness. It is a flow that completes our understanding of Gaper-Bro fluid dynamics in way that satisfies all criteria of elegance and sophistication.

Bros can only flow because of Pros.

And what about Pros? The answer is Ho’s.

Ted is a freelance snowboarding journalist living in Breckenridge, CO. His passions include going inverted twice in a row and landing on his back, saving babies from sinking battleships, and of course making apps for Iphones.

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