Originally this tale was to be published on a website of higher moral character and some other important big fancy words that means awesome or something like that. But alas the powers that be feared their advertisers money would hinder them so the story was sent on to another site. Now being the fine young entrepreneurs that they are they opted out of posting it instead to hopefully receive advertising from the primary company behind this movie and even reserved a special place for said advertising. Finally it found its way here where we don’t give a fuck who gets offended by what is written and more times than not have been told we’ve gone too far and will never get ahead in snowboarding. So without further ado we bring you Upstate Mikes tale of the Fuck It premiere.
This past Saturday Forum had their NYC premiere for “Fuck It”, at the Red Bull Space in Soho. Before I start let me just say the video itself is good, I like it and you should buy it. Stevie Bell’s intro is worth the money alone. Now this premiere on the other hand, what a fucking shit show! To start, all the marketing for this premiere claimed “Doors at 9pm, open to the public.” Awesome! You don’t have to be on the cool kid list for once. This should be good news for kids not from the city to come to NYC for a day, hang out with friends, and watch a good snowboard video. Wrong! I rolled up to the premiere around 9:45 (we all know shit never starts on time), to find a block long line of kids standing around drinking beers on the streets of Soho and looking super bummed. Before I even parked I had about 10 different people I know come up to my car and tell me how shitty it is and that no one can get in. These are kids that base their lives around snowboarding, own companies, and should not have to be sitting outside of another lame premiere party. Fuck, there were kids from Vermont, Jersey, all over NY state, kids that drove hours and hours to come watch Forum’s video and get psyched on the season. Just to find out that the girl that was waiting outside with her high heels and fake tits got in hours ago. Open to the public? Maybe you should have said “Open to the first 100 toolbags and skanks” instead.
Will no one think of the children?
I was handed wrist bands by 2 of my homies that were already over it and leaving, so I taped them to mine and my girls arms and told everyone to hang tight, we’ll fix this shit. I waltzed right past the fat assholes at the door turning everyone away, and walked upstairs to the Red Bull space. I’ve been to many parties at this venue and its always packed out with people so much that you can’t even move. I was expecting to see this again since they weren’t even letting anyone else inside. As I got through the doors, I burst out laughing…it was literally half empty! There was plenty of room for every kid outside plus some. As I strolled around, I saw a couple homies, but was amazed at how many girls in high heels and slutty outfits there were, a rare site at a snowboard party and I found this strange. But I guess it’s a good look when you’re the team manager and want to get everyone laid, I mean impress people. Even stranger was that you could tell 70% of the people in there didn’t ride, and were standing in their own little groups saying shit like ” I think that’s one of the pros! Wait no maybe that guy!”.
Skanks and the genderly challenged were allowed in, snowboarders? Nope.
After grabbing myself a small and shitty free red bull and vodka from the bartender in a slutty dress, I go around and collect wristbands from some of my homies that were there, such as madman himself Tom Weiss and Scotty Gallo. We rounded up 7 wristbands, gave them to Scotty’s girlfriend Nikki, and sent her on the way outside to pass them out and get this party started. She comes back 3 minutes later saying she can’t go outside because if you leave, even to smoke, you’re not allowed back in. Even with a wristband. Like a fucking high school dance. Fuck that! What a joke!
Awesome sweaters and free Vodka Red Bull was no match for the let down inside. Coin slots optional.
At this point we were really fucking over it and were just about to leave when the movie started playing. No one started clapping or cheering, which I found strange. Pat Moore, Andres Wiig, Nick Sauve, and other Forum dudes were up on a stage and no one cared. This pissed me off even more. What kind of shitty people don’t cheer and clap during a premiere, especially when the dudes killing it and spent 8 months of their lives filming for this video are standing right in front of you?? Oh I know…ones that don’t snowboard.
Pat Moore has to drink more to make she-man look attractive.
Forum and Red Bull totally blew it with this premiere. It was obvious they didn’t care about having real snowboarders come to their party. It wasn’t about showing love and saying thank you to all of their fans that drove hours to come party and meet everyone. It was about making sure the team had a sweet list of pro ho’s to call after it was over. Maybe that’s why it’s called “Fuck It”? Either way, you blew it. Big time. That’s why everyone left and started their own parties. A bunch of us walked 3 blocks to a party at The Hundred’s store, where they let anyone walk up in the jam packed store and were handing out free Heineken. And didn’t care about how good of handies we give in the bathroom.
Mike is one sad camper.
Next time do us all a favor and skip NYC…you’re clearly way too cool for it.