The Do’s and Don’ts of the White Ribbon of Death
Now that a few resorts in North America have fired up the bull wheels and got the chairlifts turning it seems everyone is anxious for all the other snow sliding facilities to open. With all these openings there’s one thing that’s granted on your opening day; The White Ribbon of Death! Yes the white icy skid mark of doom that we all love and hate at the same time is where all die hard snow stunt sticking afecianado’s glean their first turns of the year. But alas there are a few survival tips to optimize your fun time while riding.
Yeah you know you want to play stand in the line for 2 hours for a 20 second hot lap.
- Don’t get there early to just stand in line, it’s far better to roll in fashionably late and pretend you know someone at the front of the line.
- Do show up mid to end of the day when all the couch potatos are tired and ride without incident.
- Don’t go HAM (hard as a motherfucker) in the preseason park, it’s fucking opening day!
- Do hit every side bump/hit and pretend you’re a small child hitting the big park. Screaming WEEEE! is encouraged. Bonus points for ollieing slow signs.
- Don’t dress up in a one piece and proceed to drink bagged wine to the point you piss yourself.
- Do drink at the end of a day and pour a little out for all your cubicle jockey friends that couldn’t make it.
- Don’t go riding if you’ve never ridden a day in your life.
- Do spray any dumb fuck that can’t comprehend the “no beginner terrain” sign.
- Don’t ride head to toe new gear unless you don’t pay for it and don’t care about hitting rocks.
- Do jib rocks and grass patches on your old gear it adds +2 to your core score.
- Do lodge pimp.
- Don’t pick up Gnargoyles.
There you have it people the comprehensive do’s and don’ts of opening day festivities. I’m sure there’s a few you can think of to add to this, but this is the big list.