The Angry Dual Snowboarder Coming Soon!

Mocking bad ideas in snowboarding or the snow world is just too much fun to not stop any time soon. Lately the target of displaced hatred has been towards the emergence of Dual Snowboards. Yes it’s no secret that we have been part of the open mockery of this horrible idea, but it’s just too easy of a target.

When you rip something apart even in a satirical manner someone usually gets offended. It seems with the last article on Dual Snowboards their Regional Director Matt Chiesa took some offense. Anger like this is too much not to share and since we already own Angrysnowboarder.com and recently registered angryskier.com perhaps we need to look into angrydualboarder.com although I’m not sure how many people other than the 10 people they gave product to would read it.

Behold said displaced anger this appeared on my original article here:

Listen to u hating…..ever tried Dual Snowboards before? I have my groin in tack and I ride dual snowboards such a dumb thing to say……ohhhhhhh my groin Im so scared of a snowboard cut in half. its sooooooooo scary man up dude…. ever ride down a mountain before where u from Michigan? I ride dual snowboards and rip on them. Prob rode Duals 100+ days this year in addition to skiing and snowboarding during the day. U sound like such losers!!!! Cry me river you hardcore snowboarders. The real legit 2012 rider does all three ski, snowboard and dual snowboard. When Im ripping by all you in pow because I dual snowboard and built my riding up see whats up then. A wise person once told me don`t hate participate!!!!! Everybody knows your only ski blading if you had 10 beers on a day in April. Dual Snowboards are different go ride one before u write ur blog haterz.

Lets dissect this angry comment for the whole world. Please excuse his lack of spelling, punctuation, or grammar as I have this belief that diminished mental capacity is a prerequisite to be a part of these things.

Have I ever ridden Dual Snowboards? No, but then again I’ve never partook in a Tijuanna Donkey Show either. Both seem equally humiliating and painful.

Do I fear having my groin ripped in half or a snowboard cut in two? Well a snowboard cut in two can be mounted up like big fat powder ski blades so no I don’t fear that but I definitely like having my groin fully functioning as it allows me to perform karate in my garage.

Have I ever rode down a mountain? Am I from Michigan. Well as I comfortably live in Castle Grayskull atop the mountain known as Peak 8 in Breckenridge I can assure you that I have partook in actual mountain riding. As far as being from Michigan I think you have this site confused with Agnarchy.com. Although I once had a layover in Detroit and partook in some form of deep fried airport goodness, before promptly departing the state.

Are you sure you rip on Dual Boards? I don’t know if I could call a video of this ripping maybe making a mockery of snow sports.

So you’re saying you rode Dual Snowboards 100 plus days on top of skiing and snowboarding? Are you sure you weren’t snow shoeing? I mean these things could double for that and it seems a bit more likely. Think about it, were you frolicking around the winter wonderland listening to some Europe and making merry with a few friends.

Only real legit riders do all three? Well maybe you’re too legit, too legit to quit. I guess this means I should register angrydualboarder.com shouldn’t I?

Ripping pow? Would that be on skis or snowboards? Because I’m sure you’re not going to go post holing on dual snowboards unless you like that sort of a work out.

A wise person once told me don’t make a fool out of yourself for something that’s a novelty. I’m sure even though your brain might not fire on all cylinders it should comprehend this.

But at least we agree that ski blades are fully acceptable on gaper day, alcohol is optional.

After this dissection of the above statement it has come to my attention that it might be in the best interest of snowboarding to register angrydualboarder.com. Oh wait I can’t even read that without laughing sorry I’ll just continue to beat this dead horse and make satirical observations about this abomination of snow sports.

11 Comments

  1. Katie says:

    Watch out. If you post a blog that you’re interested in buying a domain, 9 times out of 10, someone [some bot], comes in and buys it out from under you. If you’re thinking about it, then do it.

  2. Sarcasm learn it!

  3. Tyler says:

    You probably should start making Angry Duel Boards… It’s the next big thing in winter sports. Hands down! One year into it and Zumiez will forsure pick it up, and BOOM cash money!

  4. I’m telling you I want to ride these and see how they stack up against lunch trays mounted to bindings. The ultimate showdown in the snow sports world must go down!

  5. Otis says:

    “A wise person once told me don’t make a fool out of yourself for something that’s a novelty. I’m sure even though your brain might not fire on all cylinders it should comprehend this.”

    Seems legit..

  6. K. says:

    I’m sure we can expect new camber profiles for 2013.

  7. jordan says:

    avran, i couldnt helpt but laugh my ass off thinking of you writing this the whole time, angry and spleenless. miss you buddy. and i love what your doing with the website. fuckin helarious. i have no legs!

  8. Kling says:

    I’m holding out for magnetraction on these bad boys. Then I will destroy ice AND pow!

  9. […] the dual snowboard. Because snowboarding was just crying out for a snowblade of its very own. The Angry Snowboarder has already more than adequately ridiculed these ludicrous contraptions (and in fact managed to […]

Leave a Comment