The Angry Aussie

It’s not uncommon to get an email from someone that’s pissed off about something. Usually it’s some topic that actually warrants being note worthy other times it’s just someone butt hurt with what I said. Well last night I got one that was neither. It was so awkward and off in the ether I can’t even put into words the awesomeness of it. Now sit back and enjoy The Angry Aussie.

Hi Angrysnowboarder
I,m just asking about how you feel about these lift company reaction to
snowboarding. You may be asking yourself what is this bloke on about. I,m on
about how these companies have not change the design of these lift for
snowboarders. We the snowboard had to adjust to nearly aspect of these ski
resort lift design for fuckwit skiers (Not all skiers are fuckwit just the most
of them) . I am 50 years old and only started to snowboarding 3 years ago. I had
never seen snow before I was 47. But the first thing I notice was that most
skiers are assholes and was glad that the snow sport that I choose was not
skiing. Maybe this is the reason why these lift company will not design a chair
so that a snowboarder does not have to unclip his back foot to get on the chair
then after getting off having to strap up again. All they have to do is put a
swivel with a locking pin so you can turn the chair to a 45 degrees aditude each
way for natural and goofyfooters. This will allow the chair to carry only
goofy or natural to disembark without have to stop to stap your back foot up. I
have snowboard a few place over the last three years. I been to Hakuba, Japan,
Queentown, NewZealand (overated) and Perisher Australia ( most expansive snow in
the world). I been heliboarding in Queentown and that is the best lift there
is. Japan is the best snow I have had. Still on about resort lift. I was
checking out if there was any resort in India and to my surprise there is. So i
start to check this site out. It is in the north west India, close to the paki
border and the lift pass for a day is $12 US. The pass intitle you to yak and a
guild with a AK47. You strap your board to the yak and jump on the yak. The
guild on his yak leds you up the slope always scouting for any dangers with his
trusty AK47. I be telling the guild to cut down any asshole skier on the slope
with his AK47. Now that lift service.
Aussie Johno

Anyone want to explain to me what this is about or better yet interpret it?


  1. Another Aussie says:

    Drugs are a powerful thing… Man that dude is looney, his lift idea would never work efficiently, what a wanker, I wish he said he was English, that would explain his stupidity

  2. baker542 says:

    The dude is right, skiers are assholes.

  3. Reneator says:

    *ratatatatata* DIE ASSHOLES! *ratatatatatata*

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  5. Christina says:

    i don’t know where to even begin.. Lifts that swivel? Bitching about having to unstrap and strap in? Really? That’s the sport. If we didn’t want to do it, we’d ski. And who the hell would want to go shredding in India if you need to be protected with an AK47? Damn dude, where the hell did this guy come from?

  6. ronnie coleman says:

    shut up christina. you’re going to need that ak47 by your side if I ever see you in the streets

  7. Lee says:

    Beautiful use of the queen’s english,Victoria Bitter has a lot to answer for….

  8. Halborr says:

    My guess is it’s either a troll or somebody who barely speaks English (or both).

    I’m almost certain it’s a troll.

  9. Christina says:

    @ ronnie coleman – wtf is wrong with you? do i even know you? absolutely not. so what’s the deal with the threat? i don’t take kindly to threats. and another thing, way to go off topic. this isn’t about me, it’s about the stupid aussie that doesn’t know what the english language is.

  10. Cubes says:

    Easy guys, lets not generalise on Australians having no grasp on the grammer associated with the English language, just because he signed the rant as ‘Aussie Johno’ dosen’t necessarily mean he is an Aussie. Like Halborr said he is most certainly a troll. Yeah definitely not cool on the AK47 post. Since when can’t a snowboarder alight on a chairlift without unstrapping out of their bindings cwithout falling over, I know its not allowed but at resorts where I know the lifties I hardly ever strap out and never seem to fuck things up.
    Point is it can be done by most experienced boarders and even intermediates.

  11. Andrew says:

    that was a good laugh.

  12. Sierra says:

    Wow…$12 bucks and a lifty or an actual Yak with an AK47 will ride with you. Sounds interesting.

  13. Slowboarder says:

    “I been heliboarding in Queentown and that is the best lift there is. ” – would that be a heli specially
    adapted for snowboarders, so you don’t have to unclip your bindings?

    Do the yak and the guide jump on their boards and ride down that crazy Himalayan pow beside you in case you encounter any anti-snowboard militants or do they just chill out at the top after calling in the Pakistani border artillery to take you out?

  14. buggravy says:

    I read the first couple sentences and got bored. Scanned down, and saw the word yak, and realized I needed to give this a full read. That was amazing.

  15. Elenchus says:

    Someone give than man some flow bindings and a but plug. Then he can strap up on the lift and has his own swivel pin for getting off (the lift that is).

  16. An English Person says:

    “what a wanker, I wish he said he was English, that would explain his stupidity”

    We are trying to un-stupid ourselves over here in England. it’s tough, though, an uphill struggle, you might say.

    Any help and advice is always appreciated in our struggle to brain-up.

  17. His email address had the .au attached to is so I’m going with Aussie on that.

  18. Roboshredder says:

    I work at a major resort, and I have seen on more than one occasion, skiers fall down for no reason, taking out the other people getting on the lift like dominos. I’ve seen people catch lift operators with their skis and fling them out of the terminal, (a co-worker actually broke his collar bone.) and I have seen people tear acl getting off the lift. Point is skiers make up the majority of resort guests, most of them ski a handfull of times a year, and a lot of them don’t have a clue how to ski. I’ve seen some pretty clueless boarders too, but not nearly as many. If we complicate lifts in any way, people are going to get catapulted, decapitated, and knocked out if we changed anything. Unfortunately I deal with a lot of asshole skiers, ski instructors, and ski patrollers who think their shit doesn’t stink. The worst part, is they hate on snowboarders, like they are the problem. Skiers are assholes indeed.

  19. hahaha says:

    this is amazing. i had know idea i could ride in india. now, do we get to use the ak? i mean that’d be awesome. i could kill me some skiing terrorists.

    all james bondy like.

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  21. Walmart Snowboard Co. says:

    Ah… that brings back fond memories of the AK-47 carrying yak herders they had as guides in the Alps before the skiing became a rich man’s sport.

  22. Benz says:

    Not sure about the lifts swiveling thing. Sounds worse then the current situation. I do agree that skiiers are assholes, and if resorts provided an armed guide service for boarders, skiiers would probably stop being such assholes.

  23. Pondice says:

    Hell yeh i wanna frekin yak and an AK wielding guide. Sir you are a baller, not a buster.

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