Teen Time – Lets Go To Snowboard On The Block

Teen Time is a new column featuring Travis and Aidan, two teenagers that clearly have too much time on their hands and a need to release their creative energy. The goal of this column is to get their teenage perspective on various aspects of snowboarding, because evidently old people are jaded and shouldn’t speak. For their first article the boys went to Snowboard on the Block this past weekend in Denver, Colorado.

Going to the Snowboard on the Block Festival as a 16 year old kid is like being stuck as the designated driver at a party while all of your homies get hammered as fuck. When you first enter the festival you are instantly suffocated by the smell of beer and cigarettes while the sounds of shitty death metal penetrate your ear drums.

Thanks for the shitty VIP pass! It was like why pay 35 bucks more and get really old movies and a energy bar? The event staff that check you in are complete douchers, just like the
whole other event staff that is there. They treat you almost like you’re a criminal being entered into a jail. But they are probably nice people, just their job sucks.

Walking around the festival, a lot of companies have booths or tents where you can look at their gear, and even some companies would have games where if you won you could get free shit. Most of the people at the tents are pretty cool, but then you get those fools who over sell their company and shove so many facts about their products down your throat that you are just annoyed and want to leave immediately. I can say that almost any small Colorado based company did this, which was not helping them at all. But overall walking around and going up and talking to the people at the booths was enjoyable for the most part.

The people watching at this festival is on a whole other level. You can hurt your eyes if you are not careful because you try and look at every person you pass because everyone there is so different looking, in a good and bad way. There would be the hippy dudes with gnarly, gross looking dreads down to their ass that you would stare at to see if there was any bugs in their hair; then there was the rocker dudes with the long hair and beards were there. These are the guys whose skin was just a giant tattoo. I was afraid to look at these men for too long because I thought they might smash a guitar over my head just for making eye contact too long. We even got to get a chance to see a lactating man. At first I thought he just had really sweaty nipples until I made the awful decision to ask him if he had really sweaty nipples. Don’t ask guys with wet nipples if they have sweaty nipples!

Watching movies at this festival has to be one of the most uncomfortable things someone can do. You either have to stand for a long time in the blazing hot sun or sit in super comfortable chairs in an extremely crowded room where the sound for the movies is way too loud. Standing outside and watching the movies was most definitely the worst. One because it was way to hot and no one wanted to sit on the beer spattered ground and two because the screen they played the movies on was awful. They used one of those huge monitors that would be used at sporting events so that people could see it from far away, not from extremely up close. This personally caused my eyes to hurt and eventually gave me a headache.

Watching Heavy Mental from Absinthe films in the Von Zipper Theater was not bad at all, the movie was great! Seriously this is a must watch. The seating I was in was nice and the room was air conditioned which was a great respite from the blazing heat outside. But once the movie started everyone rushed the seating area to get a seat an either lucky or unlucky enough for me I got stuck sitting next to a male European couple who would comment on every trick done in the film, but in some different language, and so loud every person could hear them, which was kind of annoying. Watching Snowboarder Mag’s new movie “Foreword” was awful. Not because of the movie, the movie was extremely good, but was because it was towards the end of the day and people were drunk and spilling beer everywhere and it was screened on the worst TV ever. This was the screen I was previously talking about where it was all pixelated and it felt like Satan was fucking your eyes with a pitchfork.

It seemed to me that the people seemed to love the smaller movie company films. I’m not saying the bigger film companies movies blew, but the over all hype of the small companies was outstanding. It seemed the place to be was the smaller viewing room. People loved seeing their homies and being pumped over the tricks they stomped. The Nightmare video was super ill and made me want to shit my pants, it was that awesome.

While watching the movies you feel out of place as an underage person. Everyone’s stumbling and stuttering the fuck out of there words to the point where I just nodded my head and said, “Fuck yeah!”

The festival’s rail jam set up was pretty tight, everything from the rails to the riders. But fucking honestly Scotty Vine why do you have to flip off of every feature there? Personally I think Christian Hobush slayed it just like he probably does when getting pussy. Overall the rail jam was pretty good and got everyone’s dick a little hard just thinking about the upcoming season. Those 3 sexy rails had everyone screaming for winter to come.

Well to put the Block Festival all together into one sentence I would say, it fucking sucked like a street whore and I would have rather stayed home and jacked off. Nah I’m just
kidding, even though I couldn’t get hammered as fuck and completely black out and have a great
time with all the homies. I still found the event enjoyable from whether it was watching other
people talk drunk to each other or complain about how they felt like they were being spit roasted over an open fire. The whole point of these festivals are to show the love of the lifestyle we live, even if this is less about the movies and more about the partying.