Snowboarding is not skiing, it never will be thank god. As much as certain powers in the world of corporate competitions try it just won’t happen. With that in mind skis need brakes, snowboards do not. Sure back in the day there might have been claims that we needed one, but these days it’s pretty damn obvious it’s just an absurd thought from the past. Or is it?
Have you ever just said to yourself, “damn I wish I had a parking brake on this thing” just so you could leave your board with the bindings facing up? Oh shit you have? Well then you’re in luck my friend as someone has invented just that.
Yes that’s right that horribly huge attachment is a fucking parking brake. Seriously it does exist and can be bought here (editors note first photo at the link is possibly the greatest tuck knee ever done in the existence of snowboarding). Now how many people have bore witness to a snowboard flying down the mountain at mach 10 speeds? I’ve seen a few on rare occasions but most people have enough common sense these days to realize smooth flat plastic board with no one attached will go down hill due to that pesky gravity thing.
But for those that can’t grasp this rudimentary concept we have this invention. Yes you see in Australia this problem is so prevalent it warrants this and has even been endorsed by Threadbo’s ski patrol manager. Now here in the states we’d just horribly mock the person with it and probably point out that they’re too stupid to turn the fucking snowboard upside down. But hey that’s just us, we’re a bit more real in what warrants true function on the slopes.
Does one really need something that’s going to add more weight to the board and be a spring loaded death mechanism? Well I guess if you were trapped in the back country and were able to catch a squirrel you could use it to cut the head off the little varmint. Or maybe it’s for performing self circumcisions cause you know gotta keep things crisp out there. Seriously look at this conceptual picture of it.
Its even called the powder axe. Strangely if I were to cut any powder it would probably be with a razor blade but think of all the new lines you could get with this sucker. Maybe it’ll actually come in handy if you’re out there lumber jacking and trying to make some new jibs.
Now lets thing about this thing logically it’s a spring loaded mechanism that stops the board from moving or at least slows it down enough so it’s not a super danger to people on the slopes. OK it’s not really that bad a concept like say a binding with suspension but still did they not think this thing out? So now you have more weight on one edge, it slightly hangs over on that edge, and its spring loaded. So not only is there potential for excessive toe catching but if that spring has a misfire you’re fucked.
This ranks right up there with the strap pad as something only those that don’t get it would buy. So anyone here stupid enough to need one of these cause they can’t flip their board over?