What is it with this year for bad ideas involving bindings? That seems to be the market everyone is trying to conquer with some half-assed bad idea that will revolutionize snowboarding on a level that has never been seen. Swivlers, strap in step out (albeit those might actually work), that shit with the 3 inch suspension and foam, and I think there was some other crap in there too but frankly I’m trying to forget all these things and move on with my life although it might be causing me some PTSD. Now during some random internet hunting I found the next horrible idea.
Seems the guys over at Deft Snowboard Bindings want to make a fully releasable gripper for your feet. And with all that experience in releasable ski bindings why the hell not, right? Oh what skiing isn’t snowboarding? Damn someone needs to tell these guys that, cause evidently they think they can make an impact releasable snowboard binding!
Just what snowboarding needs a binding that releases on a hard impact. I know when I drop out of the sky over shooting a jump my life would be so much more swell if I could perfect my tuck and roll while my snowboard becomes an unmanned death vehicle torpedoing into bystanders. With my luck it would happen on the first jump in a triple line and then could shoot off the second one. Hmm maybe this could be a new Olympic sport and we’ll call it Olympic Snowboard Lawn Darting where the rider goes off a jump impacts causing them to tuck and roll while the board keeps going and shoots off a ramp through a hoop then spears into a snow target. What do you think? I think we’re on to something here and Shaun White could endorse this! Think of all the energy drink dollars involved in this it’ll be like Extreme Modified Snow Shovel Racing all over again.
This idea is just further proof that people are desperate to get into snowboarding without actually researching what they’re getting into. They created a solution to a problem that doesn’t exist. Add to that what the fuck do you do with the snow now that you’re ejected? Slap a leash on it and have it tug on your leg causing injury? Use that shitty idea that was The Snowboard Brake?
Oh but it saves lives? Sure it might save one persons life but it probably kills 4 innocent bystanders when it plows into them at warp speed. Then again it could just be a population control device and I’m all for less people on the slopes so maybe I should endorse these shit grips.
Man these things look really technologically advanced. Stamped heel cups, crappy generic straps, and what the hell is that boot a Heelside circa 98? I’ll let it slide cause they’re still in a professed Beta but if these things make it to the public I hope whoever uses them gets discharged into a glory hole of a tree well.
But I digress and pose the one question you’re all probably thinking who on earth would use these and why do they exist? I leave that up to you to decide.