The accessories market always seems to be a mix between fully functional and gimmicky as hell. If there’s a way for someone to try and capitalize on a problem they believe exists for everyone they will jump at the chance. Now that crowdfunding takes the mocking of their idea from a loan officers corner cubicle to the Internet, we now more than ever get to enjoy horrible gimmicks that people think will “revolutionize” snowboarding.
Take for instance the latest incarnation of the snowboard parking brake in the video above. Someone couldn’t figure out how people with balance and actual snowboard ability strap in so they created this turd. While you will note it’s not the first, it’s clearly the most innovative. Their video doesn’t even need words to describe it.
Sitting in the snow to put your bindings on is so 2014. With the Vaulted Sidekick (patent pending) we have solved this issue allowing for the rider to stand up while putting on their bindings without the board slipping out from under you on the slopes.
Pretty sure it’s probably more like so 1980’s, but you know what; whether you sit or stand it doesn’t matter. But for those that haven’t figured out how to stand up on a snowboard and strap in let me give you a step by step tutorial on how to do that.
Step 1. Pick up front foot of board.
Step 2. Angle board downward towards your back foot.
Step 3. Push edge of board into the snow at said angle so it creates a little cut out in the snow.
Step 4. Repeat as necessary to help dig in the edge to make a shelf.
Step 5. Step into back binding now that the board is dug in to the snow and strap in, then ride away.
See it’s as simple as 5 easy steps. If that doesn’t work for you then just sit down, strap in, and push off. If you can’t do that, then maybe you need to look into getting into shape before you hit the slopes, or you could just pre-order this gimmicky steamy pile of suck from their Kickstarter crowd funding campaign. Oh wait it’s not active yet, well save the money you would spend on this turd and get a lesson on how to strap in from a certified snowboard instructor or if you make enough donations to the Angry Snowboarder Teach Me Not To Suck Foundation we will make a Youtube video showcasing how to strap in standing up.