Anatomy Of A Bad Snowboard Premiere

Snowboard premieres are often times the kick off to everyone’s season old friends come out of the wood work, new ones are made, and the shred stoke is shared. Much like how every snow flake is entirely unique so are these premieres with who is mc’ing, the movies shown, and musical acts. Now in a perfect world every premiere would be at such a level of awesomeness that your head would explode before it was cranked up to eleven. Sadly sometimes a premiere can’t even crank it up to a level of awesomeness that would shake a fart from your colon.

If you live in Colorado then for the past month you’ve been hearing about Snowboard Film on the Rocks. The premise was awesome putting every snowboarder within a couple hours drive in one outdoor venue that would showcase the local film from Never Summer, Right Brain Left Brain by Think Thank, and The Storming by Standard Films. Add to that 4 musical acts including Del the Funky Homosapien and The Cool Kids sprinkle in the opportunity to meet a few pro’s and it should have been a fucking blast. What could have been the snowboardings version of Under A Blood Red Sky was as far from that as possible.

A good premiere should stoke people out, not have half the crowd leaving before the second movie is even over. That’s exactly what happened here. The longer things took the more people fled, I don’t mean by one or two, but as if Moses himself was leading his people from the venue. Now every person seemed to have their reason for leaving but lets look at the obvious reasons as to why people left.

It’s a movie premiere, you need to show a movie. I showed up late due to deciding to go was a last minute thing and we still had to get tickets when we got there. Our thoughts were we’d miss probably the first movie and be settling in just in time for the start of Right Brain Left Brain. Sadly at 8 p.m. when we sat down they had just fired up the projector to show the first movie Made In America by Never Summer Media. OK Cool we’re late but we’ll get to see all the movies yet the doors opened at 5:30 it’s now 8 what the hell was going on for 2.5 hours?

So the movie starts and the lighting is so bad you can’t see shit. Literally you couldn’t even make out what kind of terrain the guys were riding and I was in the first 25 rows. Then technical difficulties hit and the movie freezes. So Del and Bukue one come out along with the horrible MC’s and try to salvage the crowd. People are now leaving or getting so baked out of their mind they don’t really care what’s going on.

An hour after this happens they finally figure out the projector and restart the movie. Luckily it works and there’s a mass out cry of support for the local riders and movie. All in all it’s not a bad movie for what it is, but you can see better bangers in many of the free movies the little production companies are putting out. So the movie finishes MC’s come out hype up the Think Thank movie blah blah blah snow boners and weak product tosses to only the first 10 rows. Come on guys it’s a big venue get a t-shirt cannon or have people in the middle walking around chucking out stuff too, not everyone wants to be down in the pit with the sweaty college kids.

Movie two starts and of course Nick Visconti slays it with his opener, if you haven’t seen Right Brain Left Brain get on it cause the riding is awesome. Sadly this should have just been called the Right Brain premiere we never got to see Left Brain. Like I guess that part of the movie just didn’t exist? Seriously it was an awesome movie but only showing half of it doesn’t do anyone justice.

So the movie came to a close people hollered, more people left, the crowd thinned out, and The Cool Kids came on along with those horrible Mc’s. Blah blah blah bad Colorado Snowboarding blah blah blah local scene blah blah blah making history. The Cool Kids played for an hour I wandered around looked at booths picked on skanks, winds picked up, and then the music stopped.

So right before they are about to start The Storming they bring out the pro’s in it and introduce them to the crowd, now anyone that’s been here since 5:30 has probably already seen them, it’s almost 11 P.M more people are leaving cause they have lives. So after those introductions they attempt to showcase 4 movies by the local production films. Just a brief showing of their trailers and when their premieres are. But guess what? Yep the projector decides to conk out, so what does the crowd start doing? But of course they start booing, the Mc’s try to salvage it but do a horrible job and say a few of the same things over and over again. No one cares about them so they finally get the movie rolling.

Storming goes off it’s a solid flick actually better than last years. It does the job, people are stoked, the only question to ask is where the fuck was Kevin Jones part I thought he was riding in it. So the movie ends people applaud, and then everyone just leaves. Seriously everyone made a break for it and that was it.

All in all the biggest problem with Snowboard on the Rocks wasn’t the venue, wasn’t the movies, wasn’t the musical acts. No it was the people that put it on. The blame for everything as to why it failed falls on their shoulders. The laundry list of complaints from numerous people whether they were just weekend warriors to shred die hards or industry people is too big to count. The best random quote of the night “it was put on by a bunch of fucking boners that don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground”. So while in their mind they probably perceived that it was a great success it was more of an epic failure.

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Angrysnowboarder

Causes controversy!

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