If you live below 9,000 feet you’ve probably never had to experience altitude rage. If you do live at 9,000 plus feet then you know all too well about this serious issue. Now if you’re one of the misinformed you’re probably asking yourself what is altitude rage and how can I spot the symptoms.
Anyone that comes from a relatively flat area to the Rockies generally has a problem with adjusting to the altitude. The normal symptoms are headache, lightheadedness, and dehydration. The unknown symptom though is RAGE!
I have yet to see a case of altitude rage happen in women. It mainly seems to follow in the ex jock kind of guys. You know the guy, the one that has to straight line whatever run he is on and if he’s at the bar drink more than anyone else. Anyways our theory ( I stress ours, its mainly me and a friend of mine) is pretty simple. Its a result of too much pent up aggression over the fact that simple tasks take more energy and that the brain isn’t getting enough oxygen.
Anyways the other day I was yet a victim again to someone with this rage complex. Here I was standing in the singles line minding my own business. Listening to a rather cheery Iron Savior melody, when I noticed 2 men in their mid to late 30’s. Now here I am standing in line jamming out with a nice looking older couple by my side, when these 2 perpetrators push past them and end up beside me.
Not a big deal I think as we load. Well it was a big deal for them I guess. After we past the third tower on the Montezuma chair at Keystone, the older of the two ass hats looks at me and says, “do you mind if I put the bar down?” Where I promptly reply, “No I’d rather keep it up.” This infuriated the man to the point of saying, “Well tough shit I like it down.” Now I’m not one to be bullied by a guy with a gaper gap the size of the Mississippi river. This guys helmet would have made the Great Gazo jealous it was so gigantic. So as he goes to bring down the bar my kung fu grip instantly reacts and I toss it back and say, “NOPE!”
Now that might seem like a total dick move but this guy had it coming with his ton of voice and the fact he pushed the nice old couple out of his way. Well after the bar clanged back Senior Bagodouche flips out and starts swearing at me and going on and on about how I’m a punk ass kid. Evidently guys with full handle bar mustaches are kids? Anyways the best line that came out of his mouth was, “When you get off this chair I’m going to kick your fucking ass you little shit.”
Priceless I know right. Anyways he’s still swearing at me all the way to the top I’m watching the sun, the birds, the guys in the park, you know just ignoring this guy. So as we all go to unload I get off first which is typical of me I’m like a fucking ninja when unloading and I look back and dude catches his edge and falls face first. So I laugh at him and skate over to the park.
Now after I strap in and slide down to the first jib I look back and this guy is falling leafing right after me. He is a man on a mission so I go up blunt stall the barrel bonk and pop down to fakie. He’s still sliding after me pointing at me and shit. So I go up 50-50 stall the tube, bounce from my nose to my tail. Yep you guessed it dude is still sliding after me. So I drop down the backside of the tube and I’m waiting for my turn to hit the tube box and he’s still coming after me. So I’m waiting and waiting and waiting, then I look back and dude is almost upon me here. So I just drop tail press the tube box, slam my edge into the tube so it makes a loud clank and land.
This guy was a man on a mission let me tell you he kept coming after me pointing and swearing. It was funny though it was like the O.J. Simpson pursuit but much slower and far more retarded. Dude never did catch up to me.
But all that hassle because someone didn’t want a stupid ass restraint bar down. I couldn’t help but laugh at that. It didn’t even effect my day I had a few more great laps through the park.